Metal Gear Solid 2: Screwups
by Artist24
Summary: The cast and crew go through moments where things go wrong or a line or two is messed up by a character. Chapter 2 up, along with a preview of something else I'm working on. Please review.
1. Scene 1: George Washington Bridge

METAL GEAR SOLID 2 Screw-ups 

            _Note:  All Metal Gear related material (characters, settings, plot) is the sole ownership of Konami Of Japan TM._

**Solid Snake (To camera):  **Hello, fellow viewers.  This is Snake.  SOLID Snake.  No doubt that you know me as the main character from the Metal Gear series.  Metal Gear, Metal Gear 2, Metal Gear Solid and Metal Gear Solid 2:  Sons Of Liberty.  Which is actually Metal Gear Solid 4 since Metal Gear Solid is Metal Gear 3 which is the sequel to Metal Gear 2, and there was Metal Gear Solid for the Gameboy Color.  It was a prequel to Metal Gear Solid aka Metal Gear 3 which would make it Metal Gear 2.5.  So Metal Gear Solid 2 is Metal Gear Solid 4, the sequel to Metal Gear 3, which is Metal Gear Solid 1…ACK!!!  BRAIN EPHEURISM!!!

**Otacon (off camera):  **Looks like Hideo Kojima's plotlines aren't the only things that can produce brain euphuisms!

**Hideo (off camera, to Otacon):  **I heard that!

**Solid Snake (to camera, sweating):  **Okay **(panting)**, where was I?  Yes.  Well, no doubt you heard about me through the Metal Gear series.

**Otacon (off camera):  **You forgot "Snakes Revenge".

**Snake:  **Of course I did!  (Shouting)  Never, EVER mention it!

**Otacon** **(off camera):  **Sorry!  I forgot.

**Snake (grimacing):  **"Snakes Revenge", PFFFFFFT!  Yeah right.  I'll have my "revenge" all right; on every one of those bozos that made it happen!  **(Clears Throat) **Anyway, we all worked extremely hard to give you the mind-blowing experience that Metal Gear Solid 2 is right now.

**Otacon (off camera):**  Yeah, especially after doing take after take of those Codec scenes.  Man, my butt is still sore from all that sitting around!

**Snake (to camera):  **However, even the best of us have moments where we either mess-up a scene or screw-up a line or two.  To prove to you that making a videogame is not all fun and games even for the characters themselves, we have compiled these moments together for you to enjoy a good laugh.  While you take it all in, Otacon and I need to take care of some business.

**Otacon (off camera):  **Finding the location of The Patriots?

**Snake:  **No, destroying every single copy of "Snakes Revenge" out there.  Starting with the one you have in your pocket.

**Otacon (screaming):  **SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!  

Scene #1-George Washington Bridge Take #1 

            The camera pans along, looking up at the top of the bridge.  It's raining heavily, and thundering.  View then tilts to the surface of one of the bridge walkways while traffic whirs by.  Snake is supposed to be walking down the path.  But we see no one.

**Cameraman:  **Huh?  Snake?  Where is he?

            There is a loud whistle from off camera.  The view then faces the other walkway on the other side.  Snake is standing there, waving.

**Cameraman:  **Oh.  Sorry!  My Fault!

**Hideo:  **CUT!

Take #2 

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            We watch Snake as he is walking down the bridge walkway, wearing what looks like a heavy raincoat with hood over him.  He is smoking a cigarette.  But the rain puts it out in mere seconds.

**Snake (shocked):  **What?  DAMN!

            He fishes around his pockets for another one.  He finds it and lights it up.  But before he could take some puffs, the rain puts IT out as well.

**Snake:  **DAMN IT!

            Snake fishes for yet another one.

**Hideo (off camera):  **CUT!  Sorry, Snake.

**Snake (still searching):  **I wish I had one that was waterproof.

**Hideo (off camera):  **COULD WE EASE UP ON THE RAIN A LITTLE, PLEASE?

Take #3 

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            We watch Snake as he walks along the bridge.  He's wearing what looks like a raincoat with a hood over him.  He is smoking a cigarette.  As he is walking, a car pulls up right near him from the highway.

**Snake (Flailing):  **GASP!

            The driver comes rushing out of the car to Snake, barely able to contain his excitement.

**Driver:  **You ARE Solid Snake!  Cool!  Oh, I am a BIIIIIIIIG fan of yours!  May I trouble you for an autograph?

            Snake gives him a befuddled look.  Then he turns to the camera.

**Cameraman:  **Don't look at me, Snake.

**Driver:  **Oh.  You're in the middle of a scene?

**Snake (growling):  **Yes.

**Driver (to camera):  **And the camera is rolling?

**Cameraman (growling):  **Yes.

**Driver:  **So, I take it this is a bad time?

**Hideo (off camera, growling):  **Yes.

**Driver:  **I guess I should leave then, right?

**All three (shouting):  YES!**

**Driver (squeaking):  **Okay.

     Driver flees back into his car.  Car drives off into the highway.

**Snake:  **Hideo, where do you GET these extras?

**Hideo (off camera):  **I'm desperate, that's all.  CUT!

****

Take #4 

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            We watch Snake as he is walking along the bridge.  He is wearing what looks like a raincoat with hood over him.  He takes the cigarette out of his mouth and flicks it away.

            A scream is heard, along with a car screeching and crashing into another car.

**Snake (looking at highway, surprised):  **Oh!  SORRY!

**Hideo (off camera):  **CUT!  MEDICS, DOWN HERE ON THE DOUBLE!  Snake, could you please watch where you are flicking that cigarette.

**Snake (puzzled):  **How am I supposed to "watch where I am flicking that cigarette" when I shouldn't even be staring at the highway?

**Hideo (off camera):  **Just go with your instinct!  ALL RIGHT EVERYONE, FROM THE TOP!

****

Take #5 

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            We watch Snake as he is walking along the bridge.  He is wearing what looks like a raincoat with a hood over him.  He slowly changes his speed and begins to run.  He goes faster and faster, until we no longer see him except in stealth camouflage.

            We cut to a shot where his coat should fly off.  But it doesn't.  We see instead that Snake is struggling to get the coat off while running at top speed.  He trips and falls, rolling around on the ground.

**Snake (furious):  **Stupid thing!  SOMEBODY HELP ME OUT!

**Hideo (off camera):  **CUT!  WARDROBE, GET DOWN HERE!

Take #6 

            We watch Snake as he is walking along the bridge.  He is wearing what looks like a raincoat with a hood over him.  He slowly changes his speed and begins to run.  He goes faster and faster, until we no longer see him except in stealth camouflage.  His coat flies off his shoulders into the night.  Now, we can barely make him out as he runs.

            The theme song to "Chariots Of Fire" suddenly blares out.  Snake slows down, running in faux slow motion and parodying the famous running scene in the movie.

**Hideo (off camera):  **CUT!  Sound people, quit fooling around!

Take #7 

            Snake is running at top speed in stealth camouflage.  His coat flies off his shoulders into the night.  He turns a sharp turn to the right and leaps right off of the bridge with a heave.  We now see Snake at a different angle, falling from the bridge in a professional dive position.  But the bungee cord he's supposed to use isn't attached to his leg.  

**Snake (screaming):  **SHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTT!

            There is a splash as Snake hits the ocean, hard!

**Hideo (off camera, frantic):  **Oh no!  CUT!  CUT!  CUUUUUUUUT!  

Take #8 

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****

****Snake turns a sharp turn to the right and leaps right off the bridge with a heave.  We now see Snake at a different angle, falling from the bridge in a professional dive position.  A bungee cord is tied to his leg.  He keeps falling and falling…and falling.  Finally, he reaches the end of his dive but the bungee cord doesn't pull him back up.  He dangles upside down.

**Snake:  **Huh?  Where the hell is the boat?

            A loud, bellowing boat whistle answers his question.  The boat is coming right at him, the front of it nearly ready to ram him.

**Snake:  **SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!

**Hideo (off camera, frantic):  **CUT!  CUT!  SOMEBODY HELP HIM!  HE JUMPED TOO EARLY!

Take #9 

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****

            Snake takes a sharp turn to the right and leaps right off the bridge with a heave.  We now see Snake at a different angle, falling from the bridge in a professional dive position.  A bungee cord is tied to his leg.  Meanwhile, a boat is passing underneath him.  Snake keeps falling, aiming for the surface of the boat…but ends up going through one of the huge smokestacks.  We hear a muffled scream of pain coming from within.

**Hideo  (off camera, frantic):  **CUT!  MEDICS, HELP HIM OUT OF THERE!  HURRY!

Take #10 

            Snake takes a sharp turn to the right and leaps right off the bridge with a heave.  We now see Snake at a different angle, falling from the bridge in a professional dive position.  A bungee cord is tied to his leg.  Meanwhile, a boat is passing underneath him.  Snake keeps falling, aiming for the surface of the boat.  A leap from a wall and a back flip later, Snake makes it.  We go to a shot of the boat passing under the bridge, its whistle letting out a huge sound.

**Hideo (off camera, sigh of relief):  **Cut.  Oh, phew!  Thank goodness.  We actually made it through this take unharmed for once!  Great job everyone.  Snake?  Snake?  Where is he?

What Hideo doesn't know is that Snake went down a little too hard and there is now a big hole on the surface of the ship where Snake was.  We hear a low groan coming from the hole.

**Snake (groaning heavily):  **ohhhhhhhhhhh!  Hiiiiiiiideeeeeeeo.  

END OF SCENE #1 


	2. Scene 2: Ship Surface

**METAL GEAR SOLID 2:  SCREWUPS**

**Chapter 2**

            _Note:  All Metal Gear related material (characters, settings, plot) is the sole property of Konami Computer Entertainment Japan TM_

            In the last chapter, we saw the cast and crew get through the filming of the bridge scene.  Snake, unfortunately, bore the brunt of the major physical mistakes and has just recovered from it as we get to the next scene in this chapter.

**Scene #2- Ship surface scene**__

Take #1 

            Snake is ready to do a final landing on the surface of the ship.  We cut to the final shot of Snake getting close to the ground. The bungee cord is cut loose.  He's supposed to land on his knees, but Snake lands right on his stomach instead with a major THUD!

**Snake (grunting painfully, moaning):  **OW!   OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  HIIIIIIIIIIDEEEEEEO!

**Hideo (off camera):  **OHHHHHH!   That's got to hurt!  CUT!

Take #2 

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****

            Snake is ready to do a final landing on the surface of the ship.  We cut to the final shot of Snake getting close to the ground.  The bungee cord is cut loose.  He's supposed to land on his knees.  There is another major THUD as Snake lands right on top of his head.  He stays upside down for a minute.

**Snake (groaning):  **There goes another part of my brain.

            He falls on his stomach again.

**Hideo (off camera, to Snake):  **What happened to the FIRST part?

**Snake (moaning):  **Cigarettes.

**Hideo (off camera):  **I had to ask.  CUT!

_Take #3_

            Snake is ready to do a final landing on the surface of the ship.  We cut to the final shot of Snake getting close to the ground.  The bungee cord is cut loose.  He's supposed to land on his knees.  Yet another major THUD is heard as Snake lands on his groin.  He doubles over to the side, clutching it.

**Snake (moaning severely):  **OWWWWWWWWWWWW!  OHHHHHHHH!  My manhood!

**Hideo (off camera):  **That REALLY had to hurt!

**Snake (to hideo, moaning):  **This is—OWWWW-getting-OHHHHHH-ridicu-ACK-lous!

**Cameraman (to Hideo):  **I agree.  Mr. Kojima, why didn't you hire a stuntman?

**Hideo (to cameraman):  **Didn't have enough budget left over.  Had to use it to juice up my plot twists and double crosses in the story.

**Otacon (somewhere off camera, sarcastic):  **That figures.

**Hideo (to Otacon):  **I heard that!  CUT!

_Take #4_

            Snake is ready to do a final landing on the surface of the ship.  We cut to the final shot of Snake getting close to the ground.  The bungee cord is cut loose.  Snake lands firmly on his knees.  The stealth camouflage now has to short out.  But it doesn't.  

            Snake holds still, waiting.  Nothing yet.  Snake begins grumbling, losing patience.

**Snake (growling):  **Anytime now.  While I am still YOUNG!

            The camouflage doesn't do anything.  Snake still can't be seen.  He gets to his feet.

**Snake:  **Oh well.

            Snake begins waving his arms around, making a faux moaning sound.

**Snake (moaning playfully):**  IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII aaaaaaaaaam the ghost of Christmas paaaaaaaaaaaaaassst!  Whooo!

**Cameraman (laughing):  **That's funny.  You're too much, Snake.

**Hideo (off camera, laughing):  **Cut.  Snake, you're such a clown.

_Take #5_

            Snake lands firmly on his knees.  The camouflage is supposed to short out.  But it still doesn't.  Snake growls, barely containing his temper.

**Snake (growling):  **If I want something done right, I'll have to do it myself.

            Snake throws himself on his back, hard.  The camouflage now begins shorting out.  There is a loud pop, and sparks begin flying out.  But they fly out to violently.  He goes into convulsions as the sparks envelope his entire body.

            Afterwards, his whole body is fried to a crisp.

**Snake (moaning):  **Baaaaaaaaad idea!

**Hideo (off camera):  **Cut!  MEDICS!  Snake, next time leave this to the professionals.  FROM THE TOP, EVERYONE!

_Take #6_

            Snake lands firmly on his knees.  There is a loud pop and a shower of sparks fly off of Snake's body as the camouflage begins shorting out.  Snake begins materializing, but then all the lights go out.  The camera shuts off.  The ship stops moving.  We hear panicking voices from the crew.

**Technician #1 (voice):  **Oh no!  It was a little TOO MUCH juice!

**Cameraman (voice, frustrated):**  I can't see jack shit here, PEOPLE!

**Random crewmember:  **We ALL can't see jack shit!  Quit thinking about yourself, you selfish son-of-a

**Hideo (voice):  **CALM DOWN!  I'll fix this situation.  Darn, my cell phone is in my trailer!  Snake, do you have your cell phone?

**Snake (voice):  **Over here, Hideo.  I have it ready for you.

**Hideo (voice):  **Thank you.  Excuse me.

            Hideo dials a phone number.

**Hideo (voice):  **This is Hideo Kojima on the set of "Metal Gear Solid 2:  Sons Of Liberty".  Hello?  HELLO?  Anyone there?  We need some back-up generators here!  HELLLLLLLLLLLLLO!

**Snake (silently):  **uh…Hideo…that's not my cell phone.

**Hideo (sheepish):  **Oh…uh…he!  Uh…CUT!

_Take #7_

            Snake lands firmly on his knees.  There's a loud pop and a shower of lightning bolts fly all over off of Snake's body as the camouflage begins shorting out.  Snake materializes as the last of the bolts fizzle out.  He gets to one knee as we pull back.  We see the entire front end of the boat along with the insignia, which reads…"SS Dizkovarie".

**Hideo (beside himself, off camera):  **WHAT!  CUT!  SET DECORATOR!

**Set Decorator (off camera):  **How can I help it if I flunked out of kindergarten!

**Hideo (really grumbling and growling):  ………**

_Take #8_

He gets to one knee as we pull back.  We see the entire front end of the boat along with the insignia, which reads "SS Discovery".

            We then cut to another shot of a helicopter coming into view.  Inside the helicopter, Revolver Ocelot looks on with his binoculars.  He appears impressed with what went on.

**Ocelot:  **My boy.  Right on schedule.

            He twirls one of his old fashioned colts in his hand.  He gasps as the colt goes flying out of his hand.  It hits the front window and shoots.  The bullet pierces the controls.  There is a loud whine from the engine as the helicopter goes out of control.  Ocelot tries desperately to steer it, but it doesn't work.

**Ocelot:  **This does not look good!

            We see the helicopter heading for the water.

**Ocelot (screaming):  **HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOO!  

            A really deafening CRASH as the helicopter hits the water hard.  It throws waves of it everywhere.

**Hideo (shouting, off camera):  **OH NOOOO!   CUT!  CUUUUUUUUUUUT!  

**Snake:  **If this happened in the real game, the player would win already.

**Hideo (off camera, to Snake):  **And the fans would be even angrier if they could only play you for 5 minutes instead of your ACTUAL short time!  MEDICS, HELP OCELOT OUT!

_Take #9_

**Ocelot:  **My boy.  Right on schedule.

            He twirls one of his old fashioned colts in his hand.  Putting it back into his holster, he steers the helicopter to a sharp left.

**Ocelot:  **He'll kn---

            The copter crashes into a set crane, manned on one of the crew boats.  It doesn't explode, but it collapses into the water with the crane.

**Hideo (off camera):  **Oh, God!  Not again!  CUT!

_Take #10_

**Ocelot:  **My boy.  Right on schedule.

            He twirls one of his old fashioned colts in his hand.  Putting it back in his holster, he steers the helicopter to a sharp right.

**Ocelot:  **He'll kn—

            The copter crashes into another helicopter.  The wrecks tumble into the water with a loud SPLASH!

**Snake:  **It's good to know that I'm not the ONLY one that takes the major bumps!

**Hideo (off camera):  **Why me?  CUT!

_Take #11_

**Ocelot:  **My boy.  Right on schedule.

            He twirls one of his old fashioned colts in his hand.  Putting it back in his holster, he steers the helicopter GENTLY to the left.

**Ocelot:  **He'll know

            As the helicopter turns out of view, we cut back to Snake.  He slowly gets up from his kneeling position and stands there, taking in the surroundings.  The title then dissolves on to the screen:

            THAT THINGAMAWHATZIT SOLID 2:  SONS OF LITHISERTHATTY

**Hideo (furious, off camera):  **CUUUUUUUUUT!  LOGO DESIGNER!

**Logo Designer (off camera, to Hideo):  **Yeah, I meant to ask you.  What do you call that machine that Snake always fights, again?  And what comes after "Sons Of…?"

**Hideo (grumbling, off camera):  **Lousy no-good!  Son-of-a…

**Logo Designer (off camera):  **You sure that title you said a moment ago will fit on screen?

**Hideo (off camera):  **You're fired!

_Take #12_

He slowly gets up from his kneeling position and stands there, taking in the surroundings.  The title then dissolves on to the screen, just above Snake:

            METAL GEAR SOLID 2:  SONS OF LIBERTY

            The title fades out.  Snake looks to his left, and then to his right.

**Snake:  **Finally!

            Snake runs right up to the very edge of the ship.  He raises his arms high up in the sky.

**Snake (calling out):  **I'M KING OF THE WORLD!  WHOOOOOOOO!  WHOO, WHOO!  WHOOO—

            He slips over the edge and falls into the water with a tiny splash.

**Hideo (off camera):  **See what happens when you show off?  CUT!

_Take #13_

He slowly gets up from his kneeling position and stands there, taking in his surroundings.  The title then dissolves on to the screen, just above Snake.

            METAL GEAR SOLID 2:  SONS OF LIBERTY

            The title fades out.  Snake looks to the left, and then to his right.  Seeing that the coast is clear for now, he takes his position behind some boxes.  He raises his hand to his neck, accessing his internal nanomachines.

**Hideo (off camera):  **Cut.  Excellent, people.  We've managed to slog through another scene without any more problems.

**Crew member (off camera, to Hideo):  **Uh, Mr. Kojima.  Ocelot just crashed the helicopter again.

**Hideo (off camera):  **WHAT?  AGAIN?

**Crew member (off camera, to Hideo):  **Last we heard from him, he was screaming "I WILL FOLLOW WHAT MY GENES TELL ME.  VIVA LES ENFANT TERRIBLES!"

**Hideo (off camera):  **LIQUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID!

_End Of Scene #2_

            _Note:  What follows next is a little advertisement for my next fanfic that I'm working on in conjunction with this._

**COMING SOON**

**_"_Terror **('tere) _n_.  **1.  **great fear, panic, or dread.  **2.  **A person or thing that inspires great dread.  **3.  **_Informal.  _A troublesome person or thing, esp. a child.  **4.  **terrorism"

**"Terrorism **('tere, rizem) _n.  _**1.  **a systematic use of violence and intimidation to achieve some goal.  **2.  **the act of terrorizing.   **3.  **the state of being terrorized."

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**_-From "The Collins English Dictionary"_**

S3 Plan

Theoretical Activation:  Big Shell Incident

Actual Activation:  **09-11-01**

            Shortly following the Big Shell mission, Snake and Otacon attempt to unmask The Patriots with the only evidence they have.  Finding no trace, they go underground while Raiden and Rose raise their baby daughter.  It isn't long before a new threat connected to the Patriots and a rogue team of assassins called "The Three Kings" surfaces, forcing Raiden and Snake to team up again.  But to destroy the Patriots means fighting the most PERSONAL battle they had ever had to face in their lives, with a force they have no choice but to label as their "enemy":  The USA itself!

            And having to do battle with a Metal Gear model much more dangerous than the ones before it.  Especially since it represents the cumulation of human-cybernetic research.  

**_METAL GEAR FUSION_**__


End file.
